Thursday, September 02, 2004
When The Reverend Sighs
The whole world sighs with Him.
It is with a heavy heart that I report the death of my beloved pet, Bob. Bob was my favourite hamster. It was crafted out of a parsnippery shape, and other bits of vegetables and stuff were attached to make it out as if it looked like a hamster. At least, it was a hamster eventually.
You see, it was crafted by a small child in Mevagissey, aged about five. It was supposed to be a donkey made out of vegetables. But it was a miserable failure.
He was a miserable failure. I told him in no uncertain terms. I roared in his face, and thrashed him with my Cane. But I accepted his gift nevertheless, and I told him that I would place it in my window, so that as he passed my house every day on his way to school he would be continually reminded of his Total and Utter Failure. Only by such Punishment and Shame do Children ever Learn to Escape from making a complete Failure out of their lives.
But indeed! The Bible also educates that Children need not sin at all for us to issue them with severe punishments. This is Supreme!
The Parsnip Shines Upon Those Who Follow His Word! But Do Not Ask Him For Assistance With Your Legal Fees! I Have Enough Of Those Of My Own!
Sealed with a Kiss,
The Parsnip
It is with a heavy heart that I report the death of my beloved pet, Bob. Bob was my favourite hamster. It was crafted out of a parsnippery shape, and other bits of vegetables and stuff were attached to make it out as if it looked like a hamster. At least, it was a hamster eventually.
You see, it was crafted by a small child in Mevagissey, aged about five. It was supposed to be a donkey made out of vegetables. But it was a miserable failure.
He was a miserable failure. I told him in no uncertain terms. I roared in his face, and thrashed him with my Cane. But I accepted his gift nevertheless, and I told him that I would place it in my window, so that as he passed my house every day on his way to school he would be continually reminded of his Total and Utter Failure. Only by such Punishment and Shame do Children ever Learn to Escape from making a complete Failure out of their lives.
But indeed! The Bible also educates that Children need not sin at all for us to issue them with severe punishments. This is Supreme!
"I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me..." - Exodus 20:5-6So next time you see a child, thrash them around the ear and administer a swift kick in the nads. You Have Good Reason, and The Courts Will Smile Upon You As The Bible Is Your Moral Compass! All Families Have Sinned! I Have No Doubt that someone's grandmother's aunty's great-cousin lied with a Beast!
The Parsnip Shines Upon Those Who Follow His Word! But Do Not Ask Him For Assistance With Your Legal Fees! I Have Enough Of Those Of My Own!
Sealed with a Kiss,
The Parsnip
