Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Ravenous
After a long night out drinking, I returned in an alcoholic haze this morning clutching the remains of my bottle of Jack Daniels, which I shall finish later. But then I noticed that I was outrageously hungry, so ordered four lamb kebabs from my local "Dial-A-Kebab" service.
I guzzled those down and promptly revisited it some few minutes later. Something was amiss. It seemed to contain a rather unusual object, which I had somehow managed to swallow, and then my body decided to remove it for it must have been a danger.
On closer inspection it appeared to be a bug. But not just any old bug... one which seemed to be recording my internal body temperature and parsnip absorption ratios.
This is quite strange. I have no idea why anyone would want to spy upon me to discover just How Great the Parsnip Art at Eating Parsnips. Perhaps there is a Sooper Sekrit Science Project going on by the Intellectuals of the Finest Universities to see exactly what it is that I have Which Other Lowlife Scum are Denied in their Wretched Existences.
I have, naturally, contacted the Police and the Coastguard, just in case this is a plot by Al Qaeda to attempt to Take Over Britain's Finest Anglican And Parsnippery Cleric and Use Me for their Wicked Purposes, such as Appearing on TV to Tell All To Stick Their Heads in a Meat Slicer.
Anything is Possible! And as a Good Citizen, aware of my Responsibilities of Defending the Motherland, I Will Not Cease In My Toil!
I am a Patriot!
Are you?
I guzzled those down and promptly revisited it some few minutes later. Something was amiss. It seemed to contain a rather unusual object, which I had somehow managed to swallow, and then my body decided to remove it for it must have been a danger.
On closer inspection it appeared to be a bug. But not just any old bug... one which seemed to be recording my internal body temperature and parsnip absorption ratios.
This is quite strange. I have no idea why anyone would want to spy upon me to discover just How Great the Parsnip Art at Eating Parsnips. Perhaps there is a Sooper Sekrit Science Project going on by the Intellectuals of the Finest Universities to see exactly what it is that I have Which Other Lowlife Scum are Denied in their Wretched Existences.
I have, naturally, contacted the Police and the Coastguard, just in case this is a plot by Al Qaeda to attempt to Take Over Britain's Finest Anglican And Parsnippery Cleric and Use Me for their Wicked Purposes, such as Appearing on TV to Tell All To Stick Their Heads in a Meat Slicer.
Anything is Possible! And as a Good Citizen, aware of my Responsibilities of Defending the Motherland, I Will Not Cease In My Toil!
I am a Patriot!
Are you?
