Thursday, August 05, 2004
When the North Wind Doth Blow...
We shall have Snow. Today, as an experiment in sociology, I removed my dog collar, donned a Kappa tracksuit and wondered around Milton Keynes looking for a place to cash a fraudulently acquired dole cheque.
It seems the closure of all the Post Offices is causing real turmoil amongst the Good Good People of Milton Keynes. These days they have to get a bus before they can cash their giro cheques (or "welfare checks" for my American-Impaired Visitors). Clearly, this is not acceptable, as they need to pay for such bus journeys, and yet, they do not have the money, because the only money to their name is stored safely in Giro Cheque Format.
The solution: MK Metro Bus Services must install Giro cheque readers and cashing facilities forthwith. That would get people onto public transport. Oho!
This is an intriguing proposal. If spread across the whole of the UK, all dolescum would use the bus more regularly, and it could cut greenhouse emissions by 90%... as everyone knows that all Dole Scum have their own cars, sometimes even two. After all, they need to drive 100metres round the corner to take their kids to school, otherwise they wouldn't get back in time for Trisha! (The UK's best answer to Jerry Springer)
But there'd have to be some sort of way to stop people from cashing their cheque and jumping off the bus immediately. Perhaps buses need to have armed guards on them. Mind you, there are already armed guards on most of Milton Keynes's bus services. You never know which little scum of a child is going to pull out a Swiss Army Knife next!
Then again, I have also seen 20-odd year old males and females squeezing into their tracksuits from when they were 14, donning a cap and sticking their face behind a zipped up jacket in order to get away with a child fare. Disgraceful!
After cashing my cheque, I made my way to the nearest Bargain Booze, whereby I purchased 8 Aces, White Lightning and four bottle of Lambrini.
Now I have sobered up (because these things wear off in under an hour) I have decided that I can see the attractions of living like Common Pond Scum. It's simple, it's easy, and it's totally free!
All Hail Left-Wing Socialists, and Their Glorious Creation, The Welfare State! All Hail Gordon Brown and His Mighty Giro Cheques!
It seems the closure of all the Post Offices is causing real turmoil amongst the Good Good People of Milton Keynes. These days they have to get a bus before they can cash their giro cheques (or "welfare checks" for my American-Impaired Visitors). Clearly, this is not acceptable, as they need to pay for such bus journeys, and yet, they do not have the money, because the only money to their name is stored safely in Giro Cheque Format.
The solution: MK Metro Bus Services must install Giro cheque readers and cashing facilities forthwith. That would get people onto public transport. Oho!
This is an intriguing proposal. If spread across the whole of the UK, all dolescum would use the bus more regularly, and it could cut greenhouse emissions by 90%... as everyone knows that all Dole Scum have their own cars, sometimes even two. After all, they need to drive 100metres round the corner to take their kids to school, otherwise they wouldn't get back in time for Trisha! (The UK's best answer to Jerry Springer)
But there'd have to be some sort of way to stop people from cashing their cheque and jumping off the bus immediately. Perhaps buses need to have armed guards on them. Mind you, there are already armed guards on most of Milton Keynes's bus services. You never know which little scum of a child is going to pull out a Swiss Army Knife next!
Then again, I have also seen 20-odd year old males and females squeezing into their tracksuits from when they were 14, donning a cap and sticking their face behind a zipped up jacket in order to get away with a child fare. Disgraceful!
After cashing my cheque, I made my way to the nearest Bargain Booze, whereby I purchased 8 Aces, White Lightning and four bottle of Lambrini.
Now I have sobered up (because these things wear off in under an hour) I have decided that I can see the attractions of living like Common Pond Scum. It's simple, it's easy, and it's totally free!
All Hail Left-Wing Socialists, and Their Glorious Creation, The Welfare State! All Hail Gordon Brown and His Mighty Giro Cheques!
