Sunday, August 15, 2004
Sunday Service Number Seven
On reading from The Good Book today, I noticed that several members of my congregation were yawning.
This is not unusual, being a Reverend. But it is unusual, being a Parsnip. So I decided to "embellish" the story. I added in a fiendish plot of cunning and intrigue, involving several murders, a decomposed rectum and a shimmering disco ball that only glowed when it was called Percy.
It seemed to liven up the tale of Paul in Caesarea no end. I found it far more enjoyable too. I can't recall why I was reading this passage anyway. I can only conclude that I, in a moment of desperation, had opened to a random page of the Bible, because I was not feeling like the Service was "religious" enough.
After the sermon was concluded, I stepped outside to shake everyone's hand on the way out, making a noteable exception for the lepers in Milton Keynes and other nefarious types who I wouldn't be seen dead with. It is the Christian thing to do! I cast them out into the fire of Ignorance! God would not have put up with such disgusting people in His day.
I'm not sure if His day will ever come. I shake my head in disapproval at the sorry state of Milton Keynes. They do not Understand! Their Perfect Town Planning Method is a sheer disaster!
God does not approve of Perfect Town Planning! All of Those who Live In Sin in pre-planned Towns will be Judged at His Right Hand, And Judged Good!
Fortunately, I am excepted, because of my humble upbringing in Mevagissey. Another convenient co-incidental Relief for The Parsnip!
This is not unusual, being a Reverend. But it is unusual, being a Parsnip. So I decided to "embellish" the story. I added in a fiendish plot of cunning and intrigue, involving several murders, a decomposed rectum and a shimmering disco ball that only glowed when it was called Percy.
It seemed to liven up the tale of Paul in Caesarea no end. I found it far more enjoyable too. I can't recall why I was reading this passage anyway. I can only conclude that I, in a moment of desperation, had opened to a random page of the Bible, because I was not feeling like the Service was "religious" enough.
After the sermon was concluded, I stepped outside to shake everyone's hand on the way out, making a noteable exception for the lepers in Milton Keynes and other nefarious types who I wouldn't be seen dead with. It is the Christian thing to do! I cast them out into the fire of Ignorance! God would not have put up with such disgusting people in His day.
I'm not sure if His day will ever come. I shake my head in disapproval at the sorry state of Milton Keynes. They do not Understand! Their Perfect Town Planning Method is a sheer disaster!
God does not approve of Perfect Town Planning! All of Those who Live In Sin in pre-planned Towns will be Judged at His Right Hand, And Judged Good!
Fortunately, I am excepted, because of my humble upbringing in Mevagissey. Another convenient co-incidental Relief for The Parsnip!
