Sunday, August 22, 2004
Sunday Service Number Eight
Today's service went rather unusually. In fact, it was so unusual that I ended up running out of the service, away from the flames.
You see... I was whipping up the Old Dears into a frenzy about the latest increase in bus fares in the region, when suddenly one of them stood up and said:
"Let's make a stand now!"
So they did. One of them pulled out a tin peaches and poured it on a pew. Another adjusted their comb-over so it was no longer combed-over. And other produced a large portion of petrol and burnt down the church.
So I'm a bit gutted. As is the church. A couple of ChavScum died in the incident, but that's no great loss to the world. Might even make Milton Keynes a better place.
But my big problem is that I'll now have to conduct all future services in a nearby church as a joint operation with another Reverend. I fear that he may not be so keen on my Pay For Your Sins Collection Plate. Or the "place your bets on which chavscum is going to rush out to vomit White Lightning into the church toilet" betting scam I run.
The other annoyance was that I was just about to slice the Parsnip and share it around. As you may know, I once considered what a Parsnip Mass would be like. Today I was going to test it out to see how well it went down, but it seems that the Old Dears decided to go down and party instead.
Rhetoric is a Powerful Tool! I shall have to be more Careful in Future!
You see... I was whipping up the Old Dears into a frenzy about the latest increase in bus fares in the region, when suddenly one of them stood up and said:
"Let's make a stand now!"
So they did. One of them pulled out a tin peaches and poured it on a pew. Another adjusted their comb-over so it was no longer combed-over. And other produced a large portion of petrol and burnt down the church.
So I'm a bit gutted. As is the church. A couple of ChavScum died in the incident, but that's no great loss to the world. Might even make Milton Keynes a better place.
But my big problem is that I'll now have to conduct all future services in a nearby church as a joint operation with another Reverend. I fear that he may not be so keen on my Pay For Your Sins Collection Plate. Or the "place your bets on which chavscum is going to rush out to vomit White Lightning into the church toilet" betting scam I run.
The other annoyance was that I was just about to slice the Parsnip and share it around. As you may know, I once considered what a Parsnip Mass would be like. Today I was going to test it out to see how well it went down, but it seems that the Old Dears decided to go down and party instead.
Rhetoric is a Powerful Tool! I shall have to be more Careful in Future!
