Saturday, August 14, 2004
Summer Fete
I am pleased to report that today is Milton Keynes' very first Church Fete. As you may already know, I am very adept at opening such occasions, as it is one of my favourite pastimes.
You may be intrigued to know that amongst the many stalls we will have apple-bobbing, penalty-taking and gangland driveby shooting competitions. Plus, plenty of places vending crack, ecstasy, heroin and maybe a little "light relief" for those in need of a toke. I thought it best to include such stalls as a way of attracting everyone from the entire Milton Keynes community.
God does not victimise against junkies and bag-heads! No sir. They are all Welcome into the community of the Lord. However, they are not quite so welcome in my Fete, so I will be patrolling, along with my Elite Guard of Bodyguards, with a sawn-off shotgun in hand. Of course, if they don't steal anything, we'll all get along fine!
This has the potential of being a very lucrative day for me. The Church, I mean. It is written in the Bible:
"Let your Church Fetes be large and profitable! Then, gamble all of your takings on a single spin of a roulette wheel! If God has also enjoyed your Fete, then He Will Shine Upon You, and your Fund for "New Stained Glass Windows" will be Enriched!"
I am eternally grateful for God making such outstanding exceptions that I can utilise quite co-incidentally.
You may be intrigued to know that amongst the many stalls we will have apple-bobbing, penalty-taking and gangland driveby shooting competitions. Plus, plenty of places vending crack, ecstasy, heroin and maybe a little "light relief" for those in need of a toke. I thought it best to include such stalls as a way of attracting everyone from the entire Milton Keynes community.
God does not victimise against junkies and bag-heads! No sir. They are all Welcome into the community of the Lord. However, they are not quite so welcome in my Fete, so I will be patrolling, along with my Elite Guard of Bodyguards, with a sawn-off shotgun in hand. Of course, if they don't steal anything, we'll all get along fine!
This has the potential of being a very lucrative day for me. The Church, I mean. It is written in the Bible:
"Let your Church Fetes be large and profitable! Then, gamble all of your takings on a single spin of a roulette wheel! If God has also enjoyed your Fete, then He Will Shine Upon You, and your Fund for "New Stained Glass Windows" will be Enriched!"
I am eternally grateful for God making such outstanding exceptions that I can utilise quite co-incidentally.
