Parsnips For All

An exciting question this week comes from Shiela Bogart of Tunbridge Wells. Unusually, it was written in green ink, which made me all the more intrigued, as green ink lovers are generally of an unstable disposition. I was not disappointed.

"HAIL THE PARSNIP!

Dear Reverend,

I am pleased to report to you this week that I have found the secret of The Way of the Parsnip. It generally involves four slices of parsnip, laid out on a bed of pilau rice. My question to you is whether I should sleep with another woman?

Yours truly,

Shiela Bogart."

I thoroughly enjoyed this question as it aroused such wonderful memories of the time I accidently stumbled upon a brothel specialising in taking care of naughty women. These are exceptionally rare, and so I made full and wholesome use of my time in there. I converted many people to the Way of the Parsnip that night, I can tell you.
I digress.

Sheila... the Bible is very clear on this. It says:

"If a man lies with a male as a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them." - Leviticus 20:13

But hang on... you aren't a man, are you? I don't think so, although the name of Shiela often does make me suspicious. It reminds me of the time I... oh wait, perhaps I shouldn't share that story if I want to remain a Vicar.

But believe, Shiela! No matter how much you Love Your Parsnips, you shall not enter into The Kingdom of the Lord, and The Hallowed Halls of the Hollowed Parsnip (the latter is preferable, naturally) if you lie with another woman. The Bible forbids it! I know it does! Somewhere! The Bible Forbids Everything! Except What I Say It Doesn't Forbid!

Now, time to watch a film. I have an excellent idea in mind. It may involve some mud, and some grappling. The title of the film escapes me. But I Shall Enjoy It! And I Certainly Do Not Forbid This! I Recommend It To All. Men In Particular!