Thursday, July 08, 2004
A Stroll... Turned Into a Party
Strolling through my Vicarage Orchard (which is actually nowhere near the Vicarage but on the other side of town, and it also has a motorway/freeway/autobahn on one side with a main road on the other) this morning I noticed that several apples had fallen from the trees.
This saddened me immensely, as apples are not supposed to fall just yet.
But then I realised that these were no ordinary apples. In fact, upon closer inspection, they appeared to be Parsnips.
It seems that my continual fertilsation of the soil since I arrived three weeks ago is paying dividends! The apple trees are growing succulent and delicious parsnips, much to the contradiction of the Laws of Mother Nature. I laugh in Mother Nature's face, for it was that silly bitch that invented the Turnip in the first place. Heathen!
The Parsnip has the Power to encourage Growth Everywhere.
To celebrate, I have called the rest of the day a National Holiday: The Day of the Surprise Parsnip. All of the local Scum have taken the day off work, and will relax watching their favourite shows such as Jerry Springer and Trisha. I think most of them were already off today anyway. Strange that their holidays booked in work co-incided with this Glorious Day!
The biggest event of the day will be when I hide a ginormous parsnip somewhere in the town. The first to find it gets to eat it out! Clean!
They Will Feast off the Parsnip! Forever Their Excrement Will Be Long and Fibrous!
I am firing up my turntables and bringing out the old vinyls. There's going to be an illegal rave again tonight! Bob Dylan will be my mix of choice!
God Blesses The Parsnip On, This, His Special Day.
This saddened me immensely, as apples are not supposed to fall just yet.
But then I realised that these were no ordinary apples. In fact, upon closer inspection, they appeared to be Parsnips.
It seems that my continual fertilsation of the soil since I arrived three weeks ago is paying dividends! The apple trees are growing succulent and delicious parsnips, much to the contradiction of the Laws of Mother Nature. I laugh in Mother Nature's face, for it was that silly bitch that invented the Turnip in the first place. Heathen!
The Parsnip has the Power to encourage Growth Everywhere.
To celebrate, I have called the rest of the day a National Holiday: The Day of the Surprise Parsnip. All of the local Scum have taken the day off work, and will relax watching their favourite shows such as Jerry Springer and Trisha. I think most of them were already off today anyway. Strange that their holidays booked in work co-incided with this Glorious Day!
The biggest event of the day will be when I hide a ginormous parsnip somewhere in the town. The first to find it gets to eat it out! Clean!
They Will Feast off the Parsnip! Forever Their Excrement Will Be Long and Fibrous!
I am firing up my turntables and bringing out the old vinyls. There's going to be an illegal rave again tonight! Bob Dylan will be my mix of choice!
God Blesses The Parsnip On, This, His Special Day.
