Monday, July 26, 2004
A Small Walk
Today, I decided to take a tour of Milton Keynes. As I've only just returned from a holiday fuelled by mind-bending drugs and much debauchery, my memories of the vicarage orchard, the post office, the cathouse, the whorehouse and the bordello are much faded.
So they were duly refreshed!
And so Was The Rev!
But on my journey I crossed this rather small and quaint bridge. It was unusual to see a bridge of such fashion in such a New Town as Milton Keynes. Indeed, it was so unusual that I decided that the best thing to do was to destroy it and ensure that it would never again blot the landscape.
New Towns are supposed to be concrete ridden nightmares! This was uncharacteristic...
So I duly packed the underside with 20kg of Semtex, lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance of some 30 miles.
It later dawned upon me that I should have warned the local Constabulary of my decision to destroy the bridge. Not that they would have minded since they are currently on my payroll, but it's sometimes good manners to let people know when this kind of thing is going to happen. After all, it doesn't occur on a daily basis here in Milton Keynes.
Upon my return the bridge was nought but a smoking crater. I noticed in the centre of the crater was some text, singed into the ground, and then all around on the grass verge. Also, there were several dead bodies of Heathens who attempted to stop The Parsnip in his Way. They were duly punished.
The text read simply: "Allah Akbar Parsnip!"
I believe it is a message from Cat Stevens. He is a good friend of mine, and since his recent conversion to Islam, he has been a great supporter of the Way of the Parsnip, including rallying the troops on the other side of the Great Religious Divide.
My allies are everywhere! Be Warned! For They May Be Spying On You At This Very Moment!
Fear The Parsnip! For He Destroys Bridges Out Of Place In Modern Contexts!
So they were duly refreshed!
And so Was The Rev!
But on my journey I crossed this rather small and quaint bridge. It was unusual to see a bridge of such fashion in such a New Town as Milton Keynes. Indeed, it was so unusual that I decided that the best thing to do was to destroy it and ensure that it would never again blot the landscape.
New Towns are supposed to be concrete ridden nightmares! This was uncharacteristic...
So I duly packed the underside with 20kg of Semtex, lit the blue touch paper and retired to a safe distance of some 30 miles.
It later dawned upon me that I should have warned the local Constabulary of my decision to destroy the bridge. Not that they would have minded since they are currently on my payroll, but it's sometimes good manners to let people know when this kind of thing is going to happen. After all, it doesn't occur on a daily basis here in Milton Keynes.
Upon my return the bridge was nought but a smoking crater. I noticed in the centre of the crater was some text, singed into the ground, and then all around on the grass verge. Also, there were several dead bodies of Heathens who attempted to stop The Parsnip in his Way. They were duly punished.
The text read simply: "Allah Akbar Parsnip!"
I believe it is a message from Cat Stevens. He is a good friend of mine, and since his recent conversion to Islam, he has been a great supporter of the Way of the Parsnip, including rallying the troops on the other side of the Great Religious Divide.
My allies are everywhere! Be Warned! For They May Be Spying On You At This Very Moment!
Fear The Parsnip! For He Destroys Bridges Out Of Place In Modern Contexts!
