Thursday, July 01, 2004
A New Month
On the first of a new month I like to fling open to the door to the Vicarage at approximately 5am and release the cock I have penned in my house all month. This is the only use I find for it, although I do look after it in any case. I feed it well and bathe it every now and then. I've kept this a secret from you up until now, but I believe that now is the right time to tell this.
But yes, I release my cock and it bellows an almighty wail to punctuate the end of the previous month and the beginning of a new one. I always perform this ceremony completely naked as otherwise it ruins the mystical vibes of the event. It's almost like Summer Solstice, only this is much better as it happens every month, rather than once a year.
Then, I offer thanks and praise to the Lord Our God for keeping me safe the previous month, and pray for my continued safety in the coming month. I do not need to pray that I continue to do the good work as God intended, as this automatically happens anyway. Instead, I pray that Our Fickle God does not fall victim to the temptations of sorcery, witchcraft, voodoo dolls, Jumbo Sized McFlurrys and The Hallowed Mars Bar.
For too Many Mars Bars can cause severe blockage of spiritual energy! They fill up the chakras with chocolately goop, and cause one to no longer Receive the Message of the Parsnip!
I bestow this wisdom upon you now, as it has been Learned by the Learned Parsnip over the past 24 hours. Gosh darn it! Raves, ecstasy and drug-fuelled acid trips do not mix well with continued consumption of the Mars Bar!
Pray for the Parsnip's Swift Recovery! And He Will Judge You Kindly!
But yes, I release my cock and it bellows an almighty wail to punctuate the end of the previous month and the beginning of a new one. I always perform this ceremony completely naked as otherwise it ruins the mystical vibes of the event. It's almost like Summer Solstice, only this is much better as it happens every month, rather than once a year.
Then, I offer thanks and praise to the Lord Our God for keeping me safe the previous month, and pray for my continued safety in the coming month. I do not need to pray that I continue to do the good work as God intended, as this automatically happens anyway. Instead, I pray that Our Fickle God does not fall victim to the temptations of sorcery, witchcraft, voodoo dolls, Jumbo Sized McFlurrys and The Hallowed Mars Bar.
For too Many Mars Bars can cause severe blockage of spiritual energy! They fill up the chakras with chocolately goop, and cause one to no longer Receive the Message of the Parsnip!
I bestow this wisdom upon you now, as it has been Learned by the Learned Parsnip over the past 24 hours. Gosh darn it! Raves, ecstasy and drug-fuelled acid trips do not mix well with continued consumption of the Mars Bar!
Pray for the Parsnip's Swift Recovery! And He Will Judge You Kindly!
