Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Ask Teh Rev: Week 3
This week my question comes from Mrs Armitage from Texas, USA.
"Dear Vicar,
I Praise The Lord Jesus on a daily basis. I would also like to Praise the Parsnip!
But here in Texas it is very difficult to get hold of a good crop of parsnips. I have heard many people comparing parsnips with carrots. They are the same shape but a different colour.
Will I be able to get away with dying a carrot?
Yours faithfully,
Sharon Armitage"
When I read this letter my blood pressure surged and my temperature rocketed through the roof. I couldn't believe that someone could be so stupid as to think that a carrot could be as good as the Mighty Parsnip!
It is of little surprise then that this ignoramus comes from the most idiotic and stupid state in the whole of the world: Texas. Mrs Armitage needs to stick a rocket up her backside and wake up!
How dare she write such blasphemy about the Way of the Parsnip. The Parsnip did not sacrifice himself, rising again on the third day, just so people could take an inferior carrot and dye it white.
I have a good mind to pay her a visit and give her one. A Parsnip that is. A Real Parsnip. Then, once she has tasted the fruit of the Vine, she will do all that is necessary to import the Parsnip from far away locations to ensure that she has a daily source.
Indeed, if she was an enterprising type she could set up her own church with a culty fanbase. Then she can threaten people with semi-automatic guns, perhaps even killing them once they refuse to eat the Parsnip. Only in America do such events happen!
Another Loafhead, Judged By The Parsnip!
Keep your e-mails coming to the address on the right.
"Dear Vicar,
I Praise The Lord Jesus on a daily basis. I would also like to Praise the Parsnip!
But here in Texas it is very difficult to get hold of a good crop of parsnips. I have heard many people comparing parsnips with carrots. They are the same shape but a different colour.
Will I be able to get away with dying a carrot?
Yours faithfully,
Sharon Armitage"
When I read this letter my blood pressure surged and my temperature rocketed through the roof. I couldn't believe that someone could be so stupid as to think that a carrot could be as good as the Mighty Parsnip!
It is of little surprise then that this ignoramus comes from the most idiotic and stupid state in the whole of the world: Texas. Mrs Armitage needs to stick a rocket up her backside and wake up!
How dare she write such blasphemy about the Way of the Parsnip. The Parsnip did not sacrifice himself, rising again on the third day, just so people could take an inferior carrot and dye it white.
I have a good mind to pay her a visit and give her one. A Parsnip that is. A Real Parsnip. Then, once she has tasted the fruit of the Vine, she will do all that is necessary to import the Parsnip from far away locations to ensure that she has a daily source.
Indeed, if she was an enterprising type she could set up her own church with a culty fanbase. Then she can threaten people with semi-automatic guns, perhaps even killing them once they refuse to eat the Parsnip. Only in America do such events happen!
Another Loafhead, Judged By The Parsnip!
Keep your e-mails coming to the address on the right.
