Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Successful!
This morning has been productive!
I decided it was time for a full frontal assault on McDonalds. I have let me attention slip the past couple of days, and for this I should be flaggelated most severely. I would do this myself, but God does not seem to want me to do so. I know if He would, because he would take control of my body, send me down to Soho and ensure that I receive appropriate corrective discipline.
Having said that, I may make a personal visit anyway, to inspect the conditions that the prostitutes work in. I often used to do this in Mevagissey, as I provided them with excellent support and the powerful blasts of energy that they required to keep them going. I would not want others to miss out on the Power of the Parsnip! They should feel humbled to be in My Presence!
But anyway, I went down to the McDonalds UK head office. Everything ran like clockwork. I drove down in a large lorry, packed to the hilt with parsnips. One could feel the magnetism and raw beauty emanating from the huge amount of parsnips that were in the container behind my seat in the cabin of the truck. It almost distracted me from my crusade! But I was strong. The Lord provides strength and comfort to those in need!
I made it to the front gate. I was asked for clearance, and I immediately supplied the man with a dose of Express Verbal Authorisation. I roared in his face
FEAR THE ALMIGHTY WRATH OF THE PARSNIP!!!
and then proceeded to kick him in the face with my stomping boots.
I crashed through the gates, slowed down, and then carefully reversed into the building. Smash crash and boom!
I then opened the back of the container (aren't remote controls wonderful!) and the building was deluged with parsnips. Turnip Heathens and Satan Creators were drowned in the Glorious Sea of Parsnip! The Parsnips cleansed their sins by cleansing them from this Earth!
I jumped out the cabin and promptly bellowed:
IT IS NO USE TRYING TO RESIST THE PARSNIP! FOR IT WILL STRIKE YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! TODAY IS A LESSON! LEARN FROM IT!
I then snatched a nearby Turnip Tower off one of the corpses of a member of staff (he must have been eating at the time!) and stood on it. I felt immense satisfaction as the miserable excuse for a vegetable was crushed into the ground.
I jumped back into the cabin and sped off.
They shall not forget this day!
And nor shall I, for it is the day when I Struck a Crushing Blow for Parsnip Lovers Everywhere! There is no need to fear the influence of McDonalds any more!
Go now, eat a Parsnip or Two, and Spread the Word! Spread the Love by Torching McDonalds Restaurants everywhere! The flame will be provided by the Lord Himself!
The only good McDonalds is a Burning McDonalds! The burning is a mere representation of the Power of God's Love (And The Way of the Parsnip!)
Revere it!
I decided it was time for a full frontal assault on McDonalds. I have let me attention slip the past couple of days, and for this I should be flaggelated most severely. I would do this myself, but God does not seem to want me to do so. I know if He would, because he would take control of my body, send me down to Soho and ensure that I receive appropriate corrective discipline.
Having said that, I may make a personal visit anyway, to inspect the conditions that the prostitutes work in. I often used to do this in Mevagissey, as I provided them with excellent support and the powerful blasts of energy that they required to keep them going. I would not want others to miss out on the Power of the Parsnip! They should feel humbled to be in My Presence!
But anyway, I went down to the McDonalds UK head office. Everything ran like clockwork. I drove down in a large lorry, packed to the hilt with parsnips. One could feel the magnetism and raw beauty emanating from the huge amount of parsnips that were in the container behind my seat in the cabin of the truck. It almost distracted me from my crusade! But I was strong. The Lord provides strength and comfort to those in need!
I made it to the front gate. I was asked for clearance, and I immediately supplied the man with a dose of Express Verbal Authorisation. I roared in his face
FEAR THE ALMIGHTY WRATH OF THE PARSNIP!!!
and then proceeded to kick him in the face with my stomping boots.
I crashed through the gates, slowed down, and then carefully reversed into the building. Smash crash and boom!
I then opened the back of the container (aren't remote controls wonderful!) and the building was deluged with parsnips. Turnip Heathens and Satan Creators were drowned in the Glorious Sea of Parsnip! The Parsnips cleansed their sins by cleansing them from this Earth!
I jumped out the cabin and promptly bellowed:
IT IS NO USE TRYING TO RESIST THE PARSNIP! FOR IT WILL STRIKE YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! TODAY IS A LESSON! LEARN FROM IT!
I then snatched a nearby Turnip Tower off one of the corpses of a member of staff (he must have been eating at the time!) and stood on it. I felt immense satisfaction as the miserable excuse for a vegetable was crushed into the ground.
I jumped back into the cabin and sped off.
They shall not forget this day!
And nor shall I, for it is the day when I Struck a Crushing Blow for Parsnip Lovers Everywhere! There is no need to fear the influence of McDonalds any more!
Go now, eat a Parsnip or Two, and Spread the Word! Spread the Love by Torching McDonalds Restaurants everywhere! The flame will be provided by the Lord Himself!
The only good McDonalds is a Burning McDonalds! The burning is a mere representation of the Power of God's Love (And The Way of the Parsnip!)
Revere it!
