Wednesday, June 16, 2004
A Reminder
This is a good point at which I shall remind all of my new and recent converts of the Doctrine of Parsnippery, more commonly known as The Way of the Parsnip. It is a simple and fairly short tale, with an accompanying message, as follows:
On The Third Day, I rose again, in accordance with the Scriptures.
Blessed be all who Believe in the Miracle of the Resurrection of the Parsnip! For one time before did He roam the land in search of Good Parsnips, and failed only due to the searing heat in the desert killing him before he arrived at Mecca. Ooops, wrong religion.
Regardless, it was His fault! Everyone knows that parsnips do not grow in the desert.
But fortunately, three days later, I was created in the 2nd Immaculate Conception as the result of a Holy Union between Mother Teresa, Anne Widdecombe, Margaret Thatcher and The Seed of a Thrusting Parsnip, provided by Ronald Reagan and impregnated deep within the aforementioned Parsnip. I feel Proud of My Noble Heritage!
Since my Conception, I have not veered, deviated or digressed from the True Goal of Parsnip Advocacy. My mind is focused and sharp at all times. My job on Earth is merely to spread the good word in any way possible. The Lord agrees with me, and hence my occasionally unorthodox manners.
But I do not have to justify myself to You or to Anyone!
In turn, your duty calls. It is a simple one which you could not have difficulty with.
It is to Eat Parsnips.
Once you have fed off My Bounty, consuming every last drop of my Power and Strength, I will leave this Earth, for my job of Spreading My Seed will be done. I will have planted within each and every one of you the Tool of Everlasting Joy. And you will be grateful and say much Thanks and Praise to Your Friend, The Parsnip.
And yet, the mystery of the religion is, thus:
AT ALL TIMES YOU WILL FEAR THE PARSNIP!!!!
May God have mercy on your pathetic souls.
On The Third Day, I rose again, in accordance with the Scriptures.
Blessed be all who Believe in the Miracle of the Resurrection of the Parsnip! For one time before did He roam the land in search of Good Parsnips, and failed only due to the searing heat in the desert killing him before he arrived at Mecca. Ooops, wrong religion.
Regardless, it was His fault! Everyone knows that parsnips do not grow in the desert.
But fortunately, three days later, I was created in the 2nd Immaculate Conception as the result of a Holy Union between Mother Teresa, Anne Widdecombe, Margaret Thatcher and The Seed of a Thrusting Parsnip, provided by Ronald Reagan and impregnated deep within the aforementioned Parsnip. I feel Proud of My Noble Heritage!
Since my Conception, I have not veered, deviated or digressed from the True Goal of Parsnip Advocacy. My mind is focused and sharp at all times. My job on Earth is merely to spread the good word in any way possible. The Lord agrees with me, and hence my occasionally unorthodox manners.
But I do not have to justify myself to You or to Anyone!
In turn, your duty calls. It is a simple one which you could not have difficulty with.
It is to Eat Parsnips.
Once you have fed off My Bounty, consuming every last drop of my Power and Strength, I will leave this Earth, for my job of Spreading My Seed will be done. I will have planted within each and every one of you the Tool of Everlasting Joy. And you will be grateful and say much Thanks and Praise to Your Friend, The Parsnip.
And yet, the mystery of the religion is, thus:
AT ALL TIMES YOU WILL FEAR THE PARSNIP!!!!
May God have mercy on your pathetic souls.
