Thursday, June 17, 2004
Exciting!
I appear to have offended the Head of Housekeeping at my Hotel.
I left her a little note this morning asking if she would be so kind as to send a cleaner to remove the parsnip that appears to have been accidently smashed through the back of the TV (The Lord must have done something in an attempt to get free adult channels?)... but upon my return I noted that my TV had been taken away and a bill for £200 had been served upon me!
I could not believe this! So I made a personal visit to The Maid Mistress (who was wearing a rather fetching outfit at the time) and disciplined her most severely. I produced my Rod of Iron, thrashed and flaggelated her into submission and then forced her to Eat The Parsnip.
That solved the problem.
But now, a new twist to the tale!!
I have just received a phonecall from The Maid Mistress asking if I would visit her home this evening to give her a Personal Confession, as she has been Extremely Naughty. She also asked me to bring my Favourite Parsnip Collection, to peruse at her leisure.
Naturally, I could not refuse such an offer. I am merely a vessel of the Lord's Goodness. If, in the course of my duty, I am required to give personal assistance to someone who is not an ordinary member of my congregation, then so be it. I merely do as the Lord requests, for it is The Lord who presents such opportunities and obstacles in my way!
It is at this point that I realised that I'm glad I'm not a Catholic.
I left her a little note this morning asking if she would be so kind as to send a cleaner to remove the parsnip that appears to have been accidently smashed through the back of the TV (The Lord must have done something in an attempt to get free adult channels?)... but upon my return I noted that my TV had been taken away and a bill for £200 had been served upon me!
I could not believe this! So I made a personal visit to The Maid Mistress (who was wearing a rather fetching outfit at the time) and disciplined her most severely. I produced my Rod of Iron, thrashed and flaggelated her into submission and then forced her to Eat The Parsnip.
That solved the problem.
But now, a new twist to the tale!!
I have just received a phonecall from The Maid Mistress asking if I would visit her home this evening to give her a Personal Confession, as she has been Extremely Naughty. She also asked me to bring my Favourite Parsnip Collection, to peruse at her leisure.
Naturally, I could not refuse such an offer. I am merely a vessel of the Lord's Goodness. If, in the course of my duty, I am required to give personal assistance to someone who is not an ordinary member of my congregation, then so be it. I merely do as the Lord requests, for it is The Lord who presents such opportunities and obstacles in my way!
It is at this point that I realised that I'm glad I'm not a Catholic.
