Thursday, May 06, 2004
The visit
The school visit went off wonderfully, as usual. The best questions came from the infants classes, as always.
"Did Jesus eat parsnips?"
"Were you around when Jesus was alive?"
"What happens if we don't go to church?"
The last question was my favourite. I told them all that nothing happens if you don't go to church. At first.
Slowly but surely, however, your insides rot away, eaten by little black Guilt Bugs. And then, before you know it, you are doomed to an eternity of Hellfire and Damnation! Wot a crushing blow that was! They thought they'd got away with it at first... and then all of a sudden... WHAM!! They weren't expecting it. I know they weren't because those tears they cried were real! I got the message into them once and for all! God's Love will flow through them all once more!
One of the little shits tried to argue with me about the deliciousness of parsnips, and so I told him to fuck off. I can only presume that he was a plant from my enemies on the fucking Parish Council. I'm going to rip their puny heads off tomorrow. Never mind the wife putting some suggestive liquid in their drinks... I might have to acquire some anthrax off my "contacts" in the fundie circles.
Keep your soul pure by going to church, where I will fill your head with such wonderful stories as this one.
"Did Jesus eat parsnips?"
"Were you around when Jesus was alive?"
"What happens if we don't go to church?"
The last question was my favourite. I told them all that nothing happens if you don't go to church. At first.
Slowly but surely, however, your insides rot away, eaten by little black Guilt Bugs. And then, before you know it, you are doomed to an eternity of Hellfire and Damnation! Wot a crushing blow that was! They thought they'd got away with it at first... and then all of a sudden... WHAM!! They weren't expecting it. I know they weren't because those tears they cried were real! I got the message into them once and for all! God's Love will flow through them all once more!
One of the little shits tried to argue with me about the deliciousness of parsnips, and so I told him to fuck off. I can only presume that he was a plant from my enemies on the fucking Parish Council. I'm going to rip their puny heads off tomorrow. Never mind the wife putting some suggestive liquid in their drinks... I might have to acquire some anthrax off my "contacts" in the fundie circles.
Keep your soul pure by going to church, where I will fill your head with such wonderful stories as this one.
