Friday, May 14, 2004
This was not supposed to happen!
Things have taken for the worse today. You may remember that today I was to leave my Vicarage under the orders of the Bishop.
Well, he turned up and I'd not packed a single thing. He was most flabbergasted, and insisted, nay demanded, that I leave at once and he will forward all my belongings to an address of my choice.
Unfortunately, the fucker chose to do this at 4am local time.
As most people are aware, it comes as a shock to the system to be knocked up at 4am, and I am not at my peak, especially because I haven't had my parsnips for breakfast just yet. He banged hell out of the door and ordered me to leave as he was standing outside.
As a direct consequence of this, I opened the door, and banged an equal hell out of his face. He collapsed to the ground in a lifeless heap. It would seem I caught him quite an unfortunate blow to the side of his head. It must have dislodged a blood clot or something as I believe he is dead. I dragged his lifeless body inside and he is now slumped in front of the TV on my Royal Parsnip Throne watching Coronation Street.
I have doused him with whisky (which was a tragic event as I prefer not to waste my precious Jack Daniels!) surroundED him with boxes of Kleenex and put one of my favourite porn movies: "Mrs Gosworth Rides Again!" in the VCR on loop. When he is discovered, I will not be here. But the Bishop will. And it will look as if he has Bashed The Bishop in more ways than one.
This evening I catch a plane. I am heading out to New York and I hope to arrive at the airport sometime tomorrow. A new chapter of my life begins here!
But I have some surprises I must deliver to my congregation before I leave. I hope to share more stories later.
Hail the Parsnip!
Well, he turned up and I'd not packed a single thing. He was most flabbergasted, and insisted, nay demanded, that I leave at once and he will forward all my belongings to an address of my choice.
Unfortunately, the fucker chose to do this at 4am local time.
As most people are aware, it comes as a shock to the system to be knocked up at 4am, and I am not at my peak, especially because I haven't had my parsnips for breakfast just yet. He banged hell out of the door and ordered me to leave as he was standing outside.
As a direct consequence of this, I opened the door, and banged an equal hell out of his face. He collapsed to the ground in a lifeless heap. It would seem I caught him quite an unfortunate blow to the side of his head. It must have dislodged a blood clot or something as I believe he is dead. I dragged his lifeless body inside and he is now slumped in front of the TV on my Royal Parsnip Throne watching Coronation Street.
I have doused him with whisky (which was a tragic event as I prefer not to waste my precious Jack Daniels!) surroundED him with boxes of Kleenex and put one of my favourite porn movies: "Mrs Gosworth Rides Again!" in the VCR on loop. When he is discovered, I will not be here. But the Bishop will. And it will look as if he has Bashed The Bishop in more ways than one.
This evening I catch a plane. I am heading out to New York and I hope to arrive at the airport sometime tomorrow. A new chapter of my life begins here!
But I have some surprises I must deliver to my congregation before I leave. I hope to share more stories later.
Hail the Parsnip!
