Tuesday, May 11, 2004
A Slight Setback...
I have been relieved of my post!
My Bishop is pure evil. He told me that he could no longer stand idly by while my parish went into open revolt. He had received complaints from Old Dears that they caught a glimpse of breast during a genuine wardrobe malfunction at Sunday's service. Yes, my spandex suit failed ever so slightly while I charged down the aisle during a guitar solo at the Sunday service, but I didn't think they would mind. They haven't minded up till now, and I've exposed much more to them - but that's behind closed doors. Especially Mrs Gosworth. Ahem!
But this is not good at all. From where now will I preach the message of salvation?! I have long suspected that my bishop is more of a Turnip Man. I roared a curse on him before he left, and then decided to hurl a few bricks at his car as he drove away for good measure. My aim was more accurate this time!
I have to leave by Friday. I know that this cannot be the Lord's doing, for He wants me to keep up the Way of the Parsnip! But this may be new dawn. And I've yet to take on McDonalds, although I am preparing a little surprise for them after closing tonight.
I have many scores to settle. It could be time to bring my Spanking Stick - used to discipline errant members of my congregation before it was banned in 1962 - out of retirement.
When the Parsnip fails, only the Rule of the Iron Rod will suffice! They will feel my wrath and vengeance - but pain is only another way of saying that I Love Them All Really. God's Love will flow through the stick as it crashes onto their buttock cheeks. Discipline and proper chastisement is all part of God's will for expressing His love for His people.
Then they will Bow Before the Parsnip!
My Bishop is pure evil. He told me that he could no longer stand idly by while my parish went into open revolt. He had received complaints from Old Dears that they caught a glimpse of breast during a genuine wardrobe malfunction at Sunday's service. Yes, my spandex suit failed ever so slightly while I charged down the aisle during a guitar solo at the Sunday service, but I didn't think they would mind. They haven't minded up till now, and I've exposed much more to them - but that's behind closed doors. Especially Mrs Gosworth. Ahem!
But this is not good at all. From where now will I preach the message of salvation?! I have long suspected that my bishop is more of a Turnip Man. I roared a curse on him before he left, and then decided to hurl a few bricks at his car as he drove away for good measure. My aim was more accurate this time!
I have to leave by Friday. I know that this cannot be the Lord's doing, for He wants me to keep up the Way of the Parsnip! But this may be new dawn. And I've yet to take on McDonalds, although I am preparing a little surprise for them after closing tonight.
I have many scores to settle. It could be time to bring my Spanking Stick - used to discipline errant members of my congregation before it was banned in 1962 - out of retirement.
When the Parsnip fails, only the Rule of the Iron Rod will suffice! They will feel my wrath and vengeance - but pain is only another way of saying that I Love Them All Really. God's Love will flow through the stick as it crashes onto their buttock cheeks. Discipline and proper chastisement is all part of God's will for expressing His love for His people.
Then they will Bow Before the Parsnip!
