Friday, May 07, 2004
No minutes!
I'm disappointed that I'm unable to present the minutes of the Parish Council, but it turns out that Mrs Gosworth is still ill after the harsh regime I imposed on her after I learned of her wicked sins at our private confessional on Wednesday. I will try my best to remember the events.
As expected, the Heathens on the Council, namely Jim Apple and Arthur Troy, tried to turn the events of Tuesday against me. They called for my resignation. Me! The King Parsnip! Fortunately, I was able to shout them down with the backing of the Old Dears, and I managed to survive a vote of confidence. I intend to make some arrangements so that the Lord (aka. Big Dave, The Axe Man) can intervene to ensure that Jim and Arthur are unable to make any "proposals" at the Council any more. They will feel His presence with a mighty blow to the back of the head!
All who interfere in the Way of the Parsnip will be eliminated. I have tried to live with this pair of cunts for too long. I have been left with no choice.
Other business at the Council was a motion to raise some funds to get our stained glass window removed and have a new one made entirely of parsnips. The parsnips will form an image of me, in honour of the work I have done for my community.
We also agreed that it was time to build a special lower church bench for the Old Dears. This was supported unanimously by the Old Dears. Who says democracy doesn't work! Here is a fine example of it working in favour of everyone!
My carpet is rising! The stew is boiling! This must mean that my Parsnip Special Brew is complete in the basement. Gosh darn it! I've been looking forward to trying this...
As expected, the Heathens on the Council, namely Jim Apple and Arthur Troy, tried to turn the events of Tuesday against me. They called for my resignation. Me! The King Parsnip! Fortunately, I was able to shout them down with the backing of the Old Dears, and I managed to survive a vote of confidence. I intend to make some arrangements so that the Lord (aka. Big Dave, The Axe Man) can intervene to ensure that Jim and Arthur are unable to make any "proposals" at the Council any more. They will feel His presence with a mighty blow to the back of the head!
All who interfere in the Way of the Parsnip will be eliminated. I have tried to live with this pair of cunts for too long. I have been left with no choice.
Other business at the Council was a motion to raise some funds to get our stained glass window removed and have a new one made entirely of parsnips. The parsnips will form an image of me, in honour of the work I have done for my community.
We also agreed that it was time to build a special lower church bench for the Old Dears. This was supported unanimously by the Old Dears. Who says democracy doesn't work! Here is a fine example of it working in favour of everyone!
My carpet is rising! The stew is boiling! This must mean that my Parsnip Special Brew is complete in the basement. Gosh darn it! I've been looking forward to trying this...
