Saturday, May 29, 2004
I am now able
... to disclose this information. I couldn't give the full story last night as I didn't know who was reading. I have reason to believe that M15, M16 and the Freemasons are onto me for plotting to overthrow McDonalds. All of these organisations receive hefty funding from them, you see.
But I believe I have fallen off their radar for the time being.
Yesterday I had a meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury. He had a quiet word with me. I could tell from the way his hands gesticulated that he is a turnip fan. Turnip fans often make very round hand gestures... and consequently I treated everything he told me with a certain level of distrust.
But he heard me out, and he has promised to try to find me a new parish. I dare not disclose any names just yet, or I may tempt fate.
On the way back, however, things did not go as planned. I returned to my hotel where I was promptly told that I had had a package delivered. The receptionist handed it over and I took it back to my room.
I opened it and had quite a shock. Inside was a half eaten "Turnip Tower" from McDonalds - with a note saying, "Here, I saved some for you. Try it! You love it!"
I have no idea who could have sent this disgusting object to me. Just the mere sight of the revolting turnips made my stomach churn, and I vomited all over the foul thing. Yet again, that must have been Sent By God! He doesn't want to have me suffer from seeing such wicked creations as that!
I immediately reached for some petrol (I keep a stash close by just in case I am ever required to burn down a house containing Heathens) and torched the fucking thing to oblivion. Then I opened the window and chucked it out. I think it hit a passing car, and for all I know it may have gone up in flames. If it did, I didn't hear anything about it, so presumably the car contained Turnip Lovers, and so they should be smited anyway.
I feel that God is very proud of my activities lately. But I shall not stop! I shall never rest until the world is full of parsnip devourers and all turnips have been eradicated!
But I will not rest until I discover who sent that Turnip Tower to me! When I find them, I will show them what the Power of Parsnip can achieve! I will wrap my hands around their neck and eliminate their puny turnip loving life from this Earth!
The Parsnip Shall Reign Supreme!
Bow Before Him!
But I believe I have fallen off their radar for the time being.
Yesterday I had a meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury. He had a quiet word with me. I could tell from the way his hands gesticulated that he is a turnip fan. Turnip fans often make very round hand gestures... and consequently I treated everything he told me with a certain level of distrust.
But he heard me out, and he has promised to try to find me a new parish. I dare not disclose any names just yet, or I may tempt fate.
On the way back, however, things did not go as planned. I returned to my hotel where I was promptly told that I had had a package delivered. The receptionist handed it over and I took it back to my room.
I opened it and had quite a shock. Inside was a half eaten "Turnip Tower" from McDonalds - with a note saying, "Here, I saved some for you. Try it! You love it!"
I have no idea who could have sent this disgusting object to me. Just the mere sight of the revolting turnips made my stomach churn, and I vomited all over the foul thing. Yet again, that must have been Sent By God! He doesn't want to have me suffer from seeing such wicked creations as that!
I immediately reached for some petrol (I keep a stash close by just in case I am ever required to burn down a house containing Heathens) and torched the fucking thing to oblivion. Then I opened the window and chucked it out. I think it hit a passing car, and for all I know it may have gone up in flames. If it did, I didn't hear anything about it, so presumably the car contained Turnip Lovers, and so they should be smited anyway.
I feel that God is very proud of my activities lately. But I shall not stop! I shall never rest until the world is full of parsnip devourers and all turnips have been eradicated!
But I will not rest until I discover who sent that Turnip Tower to me! When I find them, I will show them what the Power of Parsnip can achieve! I will wrap my hands around their neck and eliminate their puny turnip loving life from this Earth!
The Parsnip Shall Reign Supreme!
Bow Before Him!
