Parsnips For All

Sometimes I find that the best way of dealing with a situation is by grasping it firmly with both hands and throttling the living daylights out of it, until it's limp and lifeless once more.

But not this one. It requires slow and painstaking attention to detail. This is a difficult chapter that I am entering, and I am afraid it could be much more difficult than I thought initially.

Yes: there are rumours that an unholy alliance between McDonalds and Burger King is on the cards. Since my easy devastation of McDonalds on the South Bank of London, they have become a little worried about my power. So they have teamed up in an effort to stop me.

This week they are launching a new burger together: The Turnip Tower!

I couldn't believe I was hearing such blasphemy. Turnips are Evil! And the thought of a turnip burger just turns my stomach.

Difficult times are ahead! No doubt there will be many fooled by the glamorous advertising, involving full frontal nudity and other sexual use of the turnip (advertising is so blatant these days!), and rush to the nearest Drive Thru to bark an order for a Turnip Tower.

This is disgusting and must be stopped. I will spend today formulating a plan.

Beware of the Parsnip! It can speak to you in ways that you cannot imagine!

Fear it!