Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Another Setback
I've never spent the night in a police cell, but last night I did. I wasn't expecting what happened... but now I reflect I realise it probably wasn't such a good idea. I just wish they had the internet in the cells so I could have communicated this to you earlier!
You see, I invented a fake warrant and pretended to be a plain clothes police officer visiting Buckingham Palace. And I got in... but was shortly arrested. Yes, I am that guy who's been in the newspapers this morning. The other woman they questioned was the wife.
I only wanted to see if Her Maj was interesting in subscribing to the Way of the Parsnip! I figured that if I could get someone like her on my side then there would be no stopping me. She would be able to tell the people all about parsnips in her Christmas address to the nation, and then everyone would eat a parsnip or several for their Christmas roast dinner! And the methane production of the UK would go through the roof, severly impacting our efforts to cut our greenhouse gas production. But that is immaterial! It would have meant the Way of the Parsnip would be coming to fruition.
But it didn't happen that way. The police eventually caught me and roughed me up - the brutes! I knew I should have stayed outside the gate and led some sort of vigil in honour of the connections the humble parsnip has had with Princes Charles and Edward and their sordid little goings on in public schools (and public lavatories). But The Lord must not have wanted me to interfere in this way.
So now I'm stuck in London after all as I must attend court and stuff. But Fear Not! I have a feeling that the Lord planned this little setback to ensure that I do stay in London for the time being. There is great opportunity ahead!
You see, I invented a fake warrant and pretended to be a plain clothes police officer visiting Buckingham Palace. And I got in... but was shortly arrested. Yes, I am that guy who's been in the newspapers this morning. The other woman they questioned was the wife.
I only wanted to see if Her Maj was interesting in subscribing to the Way of the Parsnip! I figured that if I could get someone like her on my side then there would be no stopping me. She would be able to tell the people all about parsnips in her Christmas address to the nation, and then everyone would eat a parsnip or several for their Christmas roast dinner! And the methane production of the UK would go through the roof, severly impacting our efforts to cut our greenhouse gas production. But that is immaterial! It would have meant the Way of the Parsnip would be coming to fruition.
But it didn't happen that way. The police eventually caught me and roughed me up - the brutes! I knew I should have stayed outside the gate and led some sort of vigil in honour of the connections the humble parsnip has had with Princes Charles and Edward and their sordid little goings on in public schools (and public lavatories). But The Lord must not have wanted me to interfere in this way.
So now I'm stuck in London after all as I must attend court and stuff. But Fear Not! I have a feeling that the Lord planned this little setback to ensure that I do stay in London for the time being. There is great opportunity ahead!
